When she left, it wasn’t easy.
She could still remember the look on Thomas’ face when he found her at the door, suitcase in hand. The way his face crumpled, the way he had to hold onto the bannister for support.
When she’d seen his face, so dejected, so lost, she’d wanted to stay. She’d wanted to protect him from the hell he had to face everyday.
She’d wanted to save Eden too. She was so young, so innocent. She didn’t deserve to live through this.
But she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t live another day waking up to the smell of stale cigarettes, and walking out of her bedroom to find her mum passed out on the floor after another night of getting drunk. She couldn’t live another day of convincing Eden that mummy wasn’t dead, that mummy did care for them. She just couldn’t do it.
So she decided to leave. She’d find an apartment, get a job and save herself some money. She’d build a life for herself, and then when she was ready she’d bring Thomas and Eden into the life she’d built and take them away from the life their mother had destroyed. It was going to be hard, but it needed to be done. She knew Thomas wouldn’t understand at first, but eventually he would get it.
She packed up her backpack with all her belongings and got ready to leave. But Thomas found her on the stairs, just as she was about to slip out. Her brother had always been a light sleeper, and tonight was no exception.
They’d got angry at first, began sniping at each other. He’d tried to beg her to stay, but there was no going back. In her mind, Cathy had already left. He’d been hurt then, as if she was going to walk out and forget about them forever.
She’d realised there was no point in getting angry. She didn’t want Thomas to hate her. She tried to make him understand; and he did, a little.
When she told him she would come back for him and their little sister, she wasn’t lying. She would come back. Just not yet.
As she opened the door and strode out, she looked over her shoulder.
“Don’t miss me too much, little brother,” she’d said, with a half-hearted smile.
“I’ll try,” he had replied, and the sound of his voice made her heart break. She was going to miss his voice, his lopsided smile.
She waved once, making sure to smile, as if she was only going away for a weekend.
As soon as she turned a corner and was out of sight, she stopped and burst into tears. Why did everything have to be so damn hard?
Suddenly a picture of Eden flooded into her mind. Young, sweet Eden. She smiled to herself as she thought of her little sister. She had broken out, and she was going to help her brother and sister break out too. Whatever it took, she was going to do it, for them.
“I’ll come back for you Eden, and everything will be ok,” she whispered to herself, wiping a stray tear from her cheek, “I swear.”
This story is a bit different than those I usually read, but I really like the atmosphere that you were able to create using emotion and subtle sensory imagery. I particularly enjoyed little touches like Thomas’s lopsided smile and the smell of stale cigarettes.
I read the first part as well, which I also enjoyed, though I felt more emotionally invested in the second part, perhaps due to the strength of the POV character.
Thanks for the comment, I’m glad you liked it.
The first one was a bit rushed, and I focused more on dialogue for it rather than what people were thinking, and I think that made it a bit more rough round the edges. I like the second one better too to be honest, so thanks for the comment about that(:
Feel free to criticise me, I need as much help and advice as possible.